


Fitness

by thpontiacbandit



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, First Kiss, First Meetings, Fluff, Gyms, Kylux Adjacent Ship, M/M, Matt is NOT Kylo Ren, POV Alternating, Therapy, anger issues, cute hopeless dorks, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-07-23 14:31:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16160804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thpontiacbandit/pseuds/thpontiacbandit
Summary: Hux buys a gym membership for Techie to help him heal after a trauma, so three times a week he swims.Nobody at the gym likes Matt. And it’s just as well because Matt likes nobody. He lifts alone in a corner and doesn’t look up. Until the day he does. (x)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by a [series of tweets](https://twitter.com/Techienician/status/1046426793874526208) by [@techienician](https://twitter.com/Techienician). Thank you!
> 
> Unbeta'd, just writing for fun to give myself breaks during grad school readings :)

Matt has a routine.

When he gets to the gym, he scans in and heads to the locker room. He doesn’t actually need to change because he arrives in gym clothes, but it seems weird to head immediately to the equipment so he puts a bag containing his keys and wallet in a locker. Then he fills his water bottle, turns on a podcast he won’t really listen to, and heads to the weights.

His therapist had suggested he do yoga to help manage his anger, but yoga had just made him mad. It was a room full of flexible people doing everything perfectly while he sweated and got red faced trying to do the simplest of poses. It was embarrassing and just made him angrier, so he left before he did something stupid like punch a hole in the wall or throw his yoga mat across the room. His face gets splotchy pink just thinking about it, so he tries not to. 

After that disaster, he had wandered around the facility until he ended up near the free weights. Dim memories of lifting weights in a high school gym class came to mind, so he sat down in the corner of the room and attempted what he remembered. It wasn’t bad. It was kind of...good, actually. His thoughts had gone quiet while he focused on the burn in his arms, and he realized this just might work.

So this is what he does now: he lifts weights, listening but not listening to a podcast just to drown out the sound of other people talking. He tries not to think about them, the people with picture-perfect elegant bodies effortlessly running on the treadmills or manipulating the ellipticals. They’re the type of people who take selfies to post on Instagram after a workout, barely having broken a sweat and without a hair out of place. The thing that annoys him most is that their workouts are obviously working - they’re in great shape - but none of them look like they have to actually put any effort into it.

Matt knows it’s all in his head, but every time he glances their way, catches their eyes, he can imagine the things they’re thinking about him. The things they’ll say to each other once they’re back in the locker room, about how sad and pathetic and weird he looks. His therapist says that’s an example of paranoia, that the people at the gym are so wrapped up in their own lives that they’re not going to care what he’s doing. Which is probably true, but it’s hard not feeling like they’re judging him. 

Adding weights to the bar, Matt begins bench pressing. He knows he should have a spotter, but in his months of coming to this gym he’s managed to scare everyone off. Not that he really wants to interact with anyone anyway - things usually go better if he keeps to himself. Nobody at the gym likes him, and he doesn’t like anyone at the gym. It works. And so far, he notes proudly, he hasn’t had a single workout accident. He’s very good at this. He doesn’t need anybody.

As he sets the bar back down after his last rep, he can feel the sweat dripping off his curls. It makes him want to shake his head like a dog, but even he knows that’s unacceptable gym decorum. Instead, he grabs his towel and swipes it over his neck and face, which is how he ends up knocking an ear bud out just in time to hear someone curse. 

Matt looks up sharply, angry that someone would enter his space when it’s very clear to everyone that no one in this gym comes near him. Except the angry ‘piss off’ dies on his tongue as he takes in the person before him. His mouth suddenly feels dry and his heart has maybe stopped and what is that ringing in his ears? Standing in front of him is possibly the most beautiful person Matt has ever seen. Dressed in an overly large yellow t-shirt that nearly hangs off his shoulder, the slight man is hunched in on himself as if he’s unsure, looking at Matt with a mixture of fear and embarrassment. His long, orange hair is tied back in a messy ponytail, but some strands had slipped free to partially obscure his face. His eyes are the most gorgeous shade of blue Matt has ever seen and he thinks he might drown in them. 

He has no idea how long he’s been staring when the person clears his throat a little and softly says, “Uh, th-the treadmill. It’s...it won’t turn on?”

Matt glances dumbly at the treadmill, then back at the man before his brain finally catches up with the question and he remembers how to speak. “Oh. That one’s old. And not plugged in. Because no one uses it.”

The redhead bites his lip and Matt’s stomach does a little flip because it’s the fucking cutest thing he’s ever seen and he doesn’t know how to handle that. And then his stomach drops like he’s on a rollercoaster and he realizes he’s handled this totally wrong because now the man also looks like he’s about to cry. 

“Oh, okay. Right. I sh-should have realized. It’s just - it’s crowded over there, so I thought-. Um, sorry. I’ll go,” he says quickly, then heads toward the locker rooms as fast as he can without actually running.

Matt watches him go with the familiar feeling of self loathing and punches the padded seat. His knuckles sting because there’s not actually /that/ much padding and he presses on them with his other fingers, focusing on the throbbing pain because of course he fucked this up. He could have been helpful, offer to show this guy what to do so that maybe he’d stay and talk to Matt a few minutes longer. He could’ve even just plugged in the fucking machine and then the man would’ve stayed nearby. But instead Matt scared him, just like he does with everyone. Most of the time he scares people on purpose, but that was the last thing he’d wanted to do this time. 

Oh well. Just another typical day in his life. At least he’d have something new to talk to his therapist about tomorrow.

* * *

“Techie, I think it would be good for you. Won’t you try it just once?”

Techie pulls his hood further down over his face, as if it was going to make him invisible and his brother would suddenly leave him alone. He thinks it may have worked, but then he feels the couch sink as someone else sits down and he sighs.

“I never liked it before. What makes you think I’ll like it now?” he grumbles.

“Exercising might help you feel stronger, give you more confidence,” Hux replies. “Besides, I already got you a membership. Wouldn’t want that to go to waste, would we?” he asks, gently nudging Techie with his elbow.

“You use it, then,” he retorts grumpily, drawing his knees up to his chin and wrapping his arms around his legs. The problem is, he thinks Hux might be right. He just doesn’t want to face the daunting task of actually doing it. 

“Why don’t you start with swimming? You always liked swimming,” Hux presses on, unperturbed. 

Techie pauses, considering. The thought of swimming was appealing - the quiet when you’re underwater, the feeling of water sliding over your skin. It’s soothing. Maybe it’s something he can do.

“Okay,” he relents. “But only if you come with me the first time. And maybe the second time”

Hux smiles gently, even though Techie can’t see it. “I’d be happy to.”

It has been two months and fourteen days since the incident, and in that time Techie has barely left Hux’s apartment. He’s gone to the park with Hux (at Hux’s insistence) every week, but beyond that he hasn’t had much interest in leaving. He keeps himself occupied by reading, going online, watching tv, and cooking. Sometimes he makes little sculptures from copper wire that he found in the bottom of a junk drawer. He’s quite proud of his latest one, a tiny giraffe. He also goes to therapy once a week, and that’s about it.

His therapist mentioned he start participating in an activity that’s around people, but not necessarily interacting with them. Hux had immediately taken to the idea of Techie joining a gym, saying that the physical work would be beneficial to him. So here they were, officially signing Techie up for the gym.

He looks around, extremely uncomfortable. There are so many people doing so many things on so many machines. As if sensing his discomfort, Hux takes him by the elbow and steers him to the locker room, where they find a quiet spot to change and store their things. Instead of going back out the way they came, Hux leads him through another door. The smell of chlorine hits him immediately, and Techie takes in the sight of the pool. It was large and well-lit by the floor to ceiling windows. There were even plants along the walls, bringing life to the space. Two other people were swimming laps, but there were plenty of open lanes. He relaxes a little; maybe this was doable after all.

Goosebumps rush across his skin as he slides into the water. He shivers, but it feels good. Refreshing. Nodding to Hux, he begins swimming. He lets the rhythm of swimming laps overtake his consciousness and his anxiety about being out subsides; it’s just even strokes to the end of the pool, flip turn, even strokes back, flip turn, and so on. 

Hux gets his attention and Techie realizes with surprise that an hour has passed. Now that he’s stopped, he notices how tired he is. This was the first time he’d done anything active besides walking to the park in a long time, and it was noticeable. With a small smile, he gets out of the pool and heads to the locker room with Hux.

* * *

After getting comfortable with swimming, Techie gets up the nerve to go out to the room with all the exercise equipment because he thinks he might like to try running. Hux runs nearly every day and seems to enjoy it. Maybe Techie will, too.

He walks towards the treadmills with a confidence he doesn’t feel, and by the time he gets there his nerves are screaming for him to go back to the pool, to what’s familiar. He grits his teeth and keeps going, hoping to come across a section of several unoccupied machines so he could have a little space to himself. He doesn’t make eye contact with anyone; he doesn’t want to look at them and see them thinking what he already knows: that he doesn’t belong here, among all these beautiful people. 

He reaches the end of the row without having found a treadmill he considered usable and is about to turn back to the lock room in embarrassment when he spots a machine further away from the rest, over by a corner of the free weight area. There’s only one person over there, and he seems pretty wrapped up in his own stuff. That might just work. Techie heads over that way, trying to keep his pace even and measured so it doesn’t look like he’s rushing. Stepping on the machine, he presses the start button to activate it.

Nothing happens.

He presses it again, harder, willing it to turn on. The display remains black, and Techie mutters, “Shit.” He runs a hand through his hair, forgetting it’s in a ponytail, and dislodges some of the shorter strands. This is just perfect. Not only is he not doing what he set out to do, but he’s looking like an idiot while doing it.

Looking up, he sees the man staring at him and Techie turns red. He’s just...looking at Techie and not saying a word. Techie’s hand twitches as he stops the impulse to cover the scar on his forehead - he’s pretty sure it’s already covered from when he messed up his hair. The man has curly blond hair, looking kind of like it was bleached. He wore thick glasses, was sweating through his tank top, and was very, very fit. It seemed like he had more muscles in one arm than Techie had in all his body. This made him nervous; the guy looked like he could snap Techie in half, no problem. 

Clearing his throat, he quietly says, “Uh, th-the treadmill. It’s...it won’t turn on?” as he gestures to the darkened display. He equally wants to run away and just die on the spot.

There’s an awkward pause, then in a voice much deeper than Techie expected the man says, “Oh. That one’s old. And not plugged in. Because no one uses it.”

Techie bites his lip. Of course. That’s why it was over here, away from the others. Not because it was a good omen for his foray into running, but because it wasn’t good anymore. _Like him,_ he can’t help thinking. His therapist wouldn’t like that.

He can feel his eyes start to water as he desperately wills himself not to cry. “Oh, okay. Right. I sh-should have realized. It’s just - it’s crowded over there, so I thought-. Um, sorry. I’ll go,” he says in a rushed half-explanation, before turning on his heel and nearly dashing to the locker rooms.

God that was a disaster. He grabs his stuff from the locker room and flees to the safety of Hux’s apartment, where he buries himself in his largest hoodie and several blankets and curls up on the couch to cry.

He must have fallen asleep, because the next thing that happens is Hux gently shaking him awake. He notes with surprise that the sun has nearly set, and he rubs his eyes which feel dry and gritty from crying. Hux’s face turns soft and he murmurs, “What happened?”

“I’m an idiot,” Techie says miserably. 

“I’m sure you’re not. What happened?”

“I w-wanted to try the treadmills. And I tried to use one that wasn’t plugged in. And someone y-yelled at me.” He buries his face in his sleeve-covered hands; even reliving the memory was awful.

Hux gives him a considering look and then asks, “Did they actually yell at you?”

Techie thinks for a moment, then says, “Well. No. He was just - very short with me. Spoke in short sentences.”

With a teasing smile, Hux says, “Like you’re doing right now?”

Techie peeks out from behind his sleeves and gives him a sheepish grin. “Well. Maybe. But, Hux. He was huge - and staring at me! Like a wolf. Like maybe he wanted to eat me.”

“Maybe he did,” Hux says with a wink.

Techie’s eyes widen at the suggestion that he hadn’t - couldn’t - even consider. He smacks Hux with one of his overly long sleeves and mutters, “Shut up.”

Hux grins. “Did he have sort of a stupid look on his face like he couldn’t remember how to speak?”

Techie considers this, then says, “...maybe? He did just kind of stare after I said something. I kind of think he was mad that I was like, in his space though. There was no one else around him.”

Hux hums consideringly and says, “Well, I suppose we’ll see. I’ll make dinner tonight - is stir fry okay?”

Techie nods, feeling better after the conversation. Perhaps he’d even go back to the gym tomorrow - to the pool, of course. It would probably be a while before he attempted anything else again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter briefly talks about Techie's past trauma, though not in great detail - just FYI.
> 
> I'm going out of town soon, so it might be a little longer til chapter 3's up. Thanks for continuing to read, and for your comments! I love hearing your thoughts :)

It’s been a whole week. 

Matt has gone to the gym at the exact same time every day, hoping he might see that little redhead again. No such luck, though. Matt had probably scared him off for life with the idiotic way he’d talked about the treadmill. Why hadn’t he just offered to help? He went over the brief meeting every day, thinking about all the ways he could’ve done things differently.

When he’d told his therapist about the interaction, she had seemed pleased - much to Matt’s confusion. He expected another talk about how to think about his approach to conversation, how to relate to people. Instead, she encouraged him to try talking to the guy if he ever saw him again. Apologize, then ask to start over and introduce himself. 

Sorry about last time. Could we start over? Hi, I’m Matt. 

He repeats it to himself as he jogs on the treadmill - the one that had been unplugged. He’d plugged it in the next day in case the guy came back, then decided to use it himself. He could always stand to increase his endurance as well as his muscle mass. 

Sorry about last time.

Could we start over?

Hi, I’m Matt.

Except he hasn’t seen the guy all week, and he’s beginning to think it’s stupid to hope he’ll ever see him again. Or to assume that he’d even talk to Matt if he did show up. Balling his hand into a fist, he thumps it down on the display screen. The little colored cubes marking his progress up a ‘hill’ went out for a second, then blinked back on. Well. At least he hadn’t full on punched it. That was progress, kind of.

His thoughts the entire week had been consumed by this man - in and out of the gym - and he didn’t even know his name. Matt calls him Buttercup in his head, because that’s the color his shirt was. That’s also the sort of thing he knows he should never tell anyone. 

He daydreams about showing Buttercup how to have proper form when he’s lifting weights - he’ll model for him, so Buttercup can see how strong he is and how he knows what he’s doing - and then he’ll let Buttercup try, adjusting his form as needed. He’ll have to start out with light weights on account of how small and delicate and perfect he is. Nothing like Matt. 

That’s the other thing that bothers him. He’s definitely strong, he’s got that going for him, but he knows he’s weird looking. His hair is always frizzy, he has moles dotting his not-quite-aligned features, and his glasses look stupid but he’s nearly blind without them. And Buttercup? Well. Buttercup is an angel. Or the closest thing to it on earth, in a gym. His hair looks soft and Matt wants to run his fingers through it. Maybe he could learn to braid, so that he’d have an excuse to play with Buttercup’s hair. And he’s so small. Matt wants to wrap him up in his arms and protect him from all the Instagram idiots at the gym. But the best thing is his eyes. This particular memory is a little bittersweet, because now he knows what Buttercups eyes look like when he’s going to cry - red-rimmed and watery and bright. But the color of them, bluer than the best fall sky - it’s something Matt thinks he is never going to forget. He’d give anything to see those eyes again, to get a second chance.

Out of the corner of his eye he sees a flash of red and his heart leaps into his throat as he immediately thinks of Buttercup. Except it’s not him, Matt realizes with a wash of disappointment. It’s a stern looking man in a three piece suit with red hair. Actually, it’s a stern looking man in a three piece suit with red hair heading straight toward him. Adrenaline starts pumping through his system as his fight-or-flight response kicks in, except with Matt it’s always fight. He steps off the treadmill as the man approaches, but doesn’t say anything. Usually saying things makes him sound like an idiot. And he doesn’t want to be an idiot.

“Did you speak with a man with long red hair last week?” he asks, straight to business with no greeting or introduction. Matt can’t tell if he is angry or not.

“Um, yes,” Matt replies, fists clenching at his sides automatically.

The man’s eyes narrow. “Did you threaten him?”

“What? No!” Matt frowns. Obviously the moment hadn’t gone as well as Matt would have liked, but he hadn’t threatened Buttercup. He would never threaten him. “I just. I told him that people don’t use this treadmill. Which was true, until I plugged it in. In - in case he came back and wanted to use it,” he adds, a flush creeping over his cheeks. Hopefully it wasn’t noticeable over the mottled flush that was already there from running.

The man nods, his expression still not betraying any of his emotions, which annoys Matt. He’s already bad at reading people, and this stone-faced man wasn’t making things any easier on him. “I thought as much. If he comes by again, perhaps you should leave him be.”

That was _not_ what Matt wanted to hear. He’d been hoping for something more along the lines of “he’s been talking about you all week but is too shy to talk to you himself - can he have your number?” not “Don’t talk to him.” Now that the man was right in front of him, Matt realizes he looks kind of familiar. A lot like Buttercup, actually. So he asks, “Do you - are you his brother?”

“Yes,” the man replied, but didn’t offer any more information. 

“Well. I don’t care. You don’t get to tell me who I can talk to,” Matt growls. He knows he’s letting his anger get the best of him, but how dare this guy think he can just tell Matt who he can and can’t talk to. 

The man just smirks and says, “Oh, I think you’ll find that I can. Remember what I said.” He turns and walks away, gracefully sidestepping people’s personal items on the floor, and then he’s gone.

Matt gets back on the treadmill. If that guy was warning him away from Buttercup, that must mean that Buttercup still comes to this gym. And if he doesn’t come to the main workout floor, that means he either attends classes (which seems unlikely) or he swims. Matt runs until his legs feel like jelly to work off his anger and think about this new information, then heads home.

He’s going to find Buttercup. And he’s going to introduce himself properly, dammit.

* * *

Techie didn’t go to the gym the next day. Or the day after that, or the day after that. Things had been going so well, and then they didn’t, and now he can’t muster up the courage to go back. He keeps telling himself that he could just go straight to the pool where no one would bother him, but it’s not a convincing argument. He misses the serenity of swimming, how he could lose himself in the regular pattern of strokes, how it helped him sleep better at night. But he can’t stop thinking about how embarrassing it was when he tried to use the treadmill, and that stops him from going.

He knows he’s being a baby. He’s always been uneasy with social situations, relying on Hux to take charge when necessary. It just got worse after the incident, hence the therapy and gym membership. He met with his therapist this morning and told her what happened, and as expected she encouraged him to go back and try again. They talked through the details - which helped Techie realize that maybe the guy hadn’t been that angry after all - but it was still utterly embarrassing and a significant setback to his fledgling confidence. 

Techie is absently working on another wire figure, lost in his thoughts, when Hux returns home. It’s midday, which is odd; usually Hux doesn’t come home before five or six. Techie looks up in confusion to see Hux wearing a self-satisfied smirk, and rolls his eyes.

“Were you seriously...with...Kylo in the middle of the day?” he asks, a judging note in his voice.

Hux scoffs and says, “Of course not. I’m not an animal. Well, to be fair, he is, but _I_ at least have some decency.”

Techie narrows his eyes suspiciously. “Then what are you doing home?” 

“Oh, I just stopped by the gym to have a chat with the man that bothered you,” he said casually, keeping an eye on Techie to gauge his reaction.

“You _what!_ ” Techie exclaims with a squeak, his pale cheeks heating. “Please tell me you didn’t threaten him.”

“I...may have suggested some things,” Hux replies with another smirk, “but I think it’ll work out. You ought to go back. You were doing so well; perhaps you could try swimming again today?” he suggests gently.

Techie rubs his hands over his face - first he gets embarrassed by that guy, and now by his own brother? It feels a little bit like betrayal, but he knows Hux has his best interests at heart. He just wishes there was an easier way to deal with this. A coward’s way out.

Sighing, he says, “Fine. I’ll go a little later.”

Hux nods. “Good. I’ve got to get back to work, so I’ll see you later tonight.”

Techie calls a goodbye to him as he heads out the door, then reluctantly sets down his little figure - a mouse this time - and gets up to get changed.

Much to his surprise, going to the gym felt good. He went straight to the pool and didn’t even look at the large workout room. Getting back into his routine felt right, and he was proud of himself for making the step. It feels like a silly thing to be proud of, but it’s probably the only noteworthy thing he’s done all week so he counts it. 

He swims until he’s exhausted and can’t manage another lap, then floats on his back a bit in his lane. No one else is lane sharing with him and the pool is mostly vacant, so he only feels a little silly doing it. Closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath and wills himself to relax. Last night he’d had more nightmares, and the two nights before that as well. They were always the same. 

Almost three months ago Techie had quit work. Since he lived alone at the time, it was easy to hide the physical evidence of what had been happening. He’d gotten a job working for this company as a coder, but by the time he figured out what was going on it was too late. He was manipulated into being used as a hacker and threatened with physical violence should he tell anyone what was going on or if he refused to obey orders. He worked when they wanted him to work, no matter the time of day. When he wasn’t fast enough, he’d get hit. His boss carried a knife, and Techie had always thought it was just for show - until she used it on him. She said she was going to cut out his eye, but he ducked just in the nick of time and she ended up cutting a long, jagged scar on his forehead instead. Since seeking treatment would have led to questioning, he took care of it as best he could but it still resulted in an ugly scar. Sometimes he thought it even looked like letters, perhaps branding him as the coward he was.

After that, he knew he had to get out or he was probably going to die there, alone and miserable and pathetic. He was good - really good - at what he did, but he was expendable. All the company’s workers were tracked, mostly by their phones. If the phones were turned off, someone would come looking for them to ‘check in.’ Techie knew he had one chance at this, and he had to be fast. After gathering up his few personal possessions, he had smashed his phone and gone straight to Hux’s. He had hysterically explained everything through tears and hiccuping sobs. Hux had initially looked horrified, but then his expression settled into a steely one with murder in his eyes. He’d gone to another room to make some phone calls, leaving Techie bundled in blankets on the couch.

Kylo had arrived soon after, and Hux explained that it was ‘just in case.’ The adrenaline had gone from Techie’s system by then, leaving him drained and somewhat in shock. Hux had tucked Techie into his bed, where he’d slept for seventeen hours - punctuated by several nightmares. Every time, Hux was by his side to wake him up. 

After that, Techie had taken up residence in Hux’s spare bedroom. They never really discussed the arrangement, but Hux had unpacked Techie’s things in there and Techie had nowhere else to go - not that he wanted to. It was the only place he felt even remotely safe, and it had taken Hux a month just to get him to leave to go to a therapy appointment. Therapy had been very helpful, even if Techie still didn’t feel he could talk in too much detail about his former work. He was able to leave the apartment more, and now here he was, going to the gym on his own. Techie still didn’t know what had happened that night he’d escaped, because Hux wouldn’t tell him what all the phone calls were about. When pressed, he would only say that it was taken care of and that Techie was safe.

Dwelling on the incident made him despondent (which was why he wasn’t supposed to do it, according to his therapist) so he decides the best course of action is to go home and get cozy on the couch, maybe watch a movie. Maybe eat some of those cookies Hux thinks he doesn’t know about. They’re actually for Kylo, since Hux has what Techie suspects is an anti-sweet tooth, but it would probably be all right if a few went missing. Hux wouldn’t acknowledge it anyway, since that would me he’d have to admit he secretly kept cookies for Kylo. Hux didn’t like to appear soft.

Techie pulls himself out of the pool, noticing his legs are a little shaky. He’d probably overdone it - all the more reason to get home. He pulls off his goggles and his swim cap, then takes his hair out of the ponytail so he can go rinse off, wincing when a few strands get caught in the hair tie. At this point in the process he generally looks like a bedraggled nearly-drowned rat, so he’s glad that the pool is practically empty and no one’s actually looking at him anyway.

Except someone is, because when he looks up the color drains from his face as he sees the blond weightlifter he’d talked to a week ago staring at him through the observation window.


	3. Chapter 3

Holy _fuck_.

That’s the only thought Matt’s brain can manage as he watches Buttercup gracefully pull himself out of the pool. The baggy shirt and shorts Matt had seen him in last time had hidden how thin and lithe Buttercup is, which is obvious now that he’s dressed in fitted knee-length swim shorts. Just when Matt thinks he can’t get any more beautiful, he takes off the swim cap and lets his hair down. He might be an actual mermaid. But on land.

He’s just standing frozen at the window, jaw dropped, when Buttercup looks up at him. They stare at each other for a moment, but then Matt stares a bit too long and Buttercup suddenly looks afraid. Fuck. He’s fucked this up again. But before Buttercup can run away this time, he all but crashes through the door leading onto the pool deck and approaches him.

Matt realizes he’s done that wrong too, when Buttercup shrinks away from him, clutching his swim cap and goggles tight to his chest like he’s expecting Matt to hurt him. Matt mentally berates himself and holds up his hands, palms out, to show he means no harm.

“I’m sorry!” he blurts out, face reddening as he realizes that the third thing he’s fucked up in the span of a minute is his carefully rehearsed speech. Squeezing his eyes shut, he shakes his head and then starts over. “Sorry about last time. By the treadmill. I didn’t mean to make you run away.” He winces at that phrasing. “I mean, I didn’t mean to make you leave. Uh. Could we start over?” He sticks his hand out, stiff and awkward. “Hi. I’m Matt.”

Buttercup looks at him, suspicious and nervous, but shakes his hand. Matt can’t help but notice how small Buttercup’s hand seems in his, how perfectly it fits. Quietly he says, “Hi. I’m Techie. I’m - I didn’t mean to run away. I just...it’s like, really crowded in there.” He looks at Matt with the sort of expression that makes him think that Buttercup - wait, _Techie_ \- is begging for him to understand. Matt does.

Matt feels like it’s his birthday. No, like it’s all his birthdays at once. Not only did Techie talk to him, he also told Matt his name. This was _way_ better than the last time they talked. His therapist was going to be proud of him when he told her about this. “Yeah, I get it,” he says. “That’s why I stay over in that corner, by myself. It’s...easier,” he says, slightly hesitant. Techie probably didn’t need to know about his anger issues this early on.

Techie gives him a small, shy smile and Matt thinks his stomach might flip right out of his body. “That’s why I swim, mostly. There’s not a lot of people here, and it’s sort of quiet.”

Matt looks out at the pool, noting only two other people swimming laps. “Do you like swimming?” he asks, then wants to slap himself. What a dumb question. Of course Techie likes swimming if he does it all the time.

“Yeah!” Techie says, brightening a little. “It’s like, relaxing and sort of...soothing? To me, anyway.” Then he looks a little self conscious, cheeks pinkening as water drips off his eyelashes. Matt can’t seem to tear his gaze away. “So um, yeah. I like it. What about you?”

It takes Matt a moment to register that Techie had asked a question because he is baffled by how very blue Techie’s eyes are, how they looked like sparkling gems. He feels a little bad that he gets to look at such a gorgeous creature while Techie has to look at him - big ears, big nose, spots, weird hair. Oh well. Techie didn’t seem too put off by it so far.

When he finally comprehends the question, his face turns splotchy beet red. “I, uh.” He coughs. “I...don’t know how? To swim?” He has no idea why he phrases it as a question, because it’s a definite fact. He was afraid of the water when he was a kid, and by the time he grew out of it it seemed like he was too old to learn. So he just...never did.

Instead of laughing at him, though, Techie looks kind of delighted. “Oh!” he exclaims with a small smile. “I could teach you, if you want! I mean…” He looks a little less sure of himself. “I’ve never like, actually taught someone. But I probably could. If you’re interested.”

Techie could have offered to teach him how to eat raw snails and Matt would still be interested, so he blurts out, “Yes! I mean. Yes, if you actually want to.”

Techie gives him a decisive nod. “I don’t really, uh. Have much going on. So. It could be fun?” he says with a questioning hopefulness. 

“Yeah!” Matt agrees with a goofy grin. “So maybe, um. This time tomorrow?”

Techie nods, then shivers and grins sheepishly. It makes Matt want to wrap him up in a big warm towel. “Uh, I guess I better go shower off. See you tomorrow,” he says with a little wave, then disappears into the locker room.

It’s only once he’s gone that Matt remembers the warning from Techie’s brother. 

Well, too bad.

* * *

Later than evening, Matt is watching TV but mostly just daydreaming about swimming with Techie. He went out and got a swimsuit and cap and goggles like Techie had, not wanting to be underprepared and look like an idiot. He feels like he’s floating on clouds. The talk with Techie had gone better than basically any human interaction he’d had all year. He honestly can’t believe that not only did Techie talk to him, but he actually offered to do something with him, even after all the mistakes Matt made. It was nothing short of a miracle, as far as Matt was concerned.

Speaking of being concerned, he was so caught up in the idea of seeing Techie again that he sort of forgot to consider that he might end up looking like an idiot anyway because he was a 30 year old man who didn’t know how to swim. Was he going to end up splashing around like a beached whale? That seemed pretty likely. His only hope is that Techie might find it endearing rather than hopeless and embarrassing. 

Or, maybe he would be naturally good at swimming and Techie would be impressed. Except then Techie wouldn’t have to teach him for as long. Shit. Should he pretend to be bad at swimming, even if it turned out he wasn’t? But if Techie found out he was lying, he’d probably be mad. Sighing, Matt picks up his phone and calls his cousin because when he gets in a spiral like this, the only way out is a good distraction and the TV just wasn’t cutting it.

“What do you want?” the voice on the other end demanded.

“Cut it out, you’re not doing anything,” Matt replies. “I know this is the night your booooyfriend doesn’t hang out with you.”

“Ugh. Don’t say it like that,” the voice replies.

“What? You don’t like to call him your booooyfriend?” Matt teases.

“No! Well. I guess? I dunno. We don’t really talk about it that much. Shut up.”

“When are you ever going to let me meet him? Or even see a picture of him?” Matt probes.

“Never. That would be a disaster.”

“Come on. You’ve been dating him for so long. Not even a picture? I bet you have like, five thousand of them. Why does it have to be a secret?” Matt complains.

“Because it’s none of your business, that’s why.”

Matt sighs dramatically and lets it go, for now. “So, I uh. Talked to someone at the gym today.”

“What, did you threaten to beat them up or something?”

“Don’t be a dick, Kylo,” Matt reprimands, a little hurt. It’s kind of a fair guess, though.

“That’s what I do, so if you don’t like it you can hang up.”

“How the hell did you ever get someone to date you?” Matt demands.

“He’s a dick, too.” 

Matt can hear the smile through the phone and huffs a laugh. “Makes sense, I guess. So anyway. He offered to, uh, teach me to swim. So I’m going to do it?”

Kylo laughs. “You don’t seem too sure about that.”

“Well. It’s just, y’know. Embarrassing that I can’t swim.”

“Whatever, it’s fine. He obviously doesn’t care if he offered to teach you. But I gotta know something,” he says.

“What?” Matt asks, curious.

“Is he cuuuute?” Kylo starts laughing before he can get to the end of his sentence.

“Fuck off, Kylo,” Matt grumbles.

“Oh, so you can dish it out but you can’t take it, huh? But seriously, don’t sweat it. It’s gonna be fine.”

“If you say so,” Matt sighs, feeling equally excited and nervous. Maybe it _would_ be fine.

* * *

After he leaves the gym, Techie decides to walk home to work off his nervous energy. Hux doesn’t like for him to walk alone, but it’s still light out and it’s not far to Hux’s apartment.

He can’t quite believe that not only did he talk to the weightlifter - Matt, he reminds himself - but that a) it went well and b) he offered to teach Matt to swim. That was really out of the box for him, and he still isn’t quite sure why he did that. It had sort of just...happened, unplanned and out of his control. It was almost like another more confident Techie took over and only let him back in control after he and Matt had parted ways. He isn’t exactly unhappy about it, but he’s not entirely sure either.

Techie had definitely been scared when Matt charged onto the pool deck, convinced that he was there to pound Techie into the ground for going over to his corner of the gym. Perhaps it was the shock of Matt’s apology that boosted Techie’s confidence enough for him to engage in an entire conversation with him - not only that, but set up a subsequent meeting and conversation. 

_Or_ , perhaps it was the way his arms flexed when he held out his hand, or the glimpse of his chest that Techie could see thanks to the low cut tank top. Or maybe it was how disarmingly cute he looked with his glasses sitting just a little bit crooked and a big, goofy grin stretched across his face. He looked strong and sweet at the same time, much different than Techie’s original impression of him. 

Techie is suddenly worried because it just now hits him that Matt saw him in his scraggly-drowned-rat phase of swimming, and he kind of wishes a hole would open in the sidewalk and swallow him. Since that wasn’t going to happen, the next thing he wishes for is any muscle tone at all so he could at least look a little bit good in his swimsuit. And since that wasn’t going to happen either (not before tomorrow, anyway), he just fervently hopes that he can actually teach Matt how to swim. He better Google how to do that when he gets home, and if it goes well maybe Matt will want to meet again.

When Techie enters the apartment, Hux steps out from the kitchen and then narrows his eyes. 

“You walked home, didn’t you.” It’s not a question.

Techie flinches, guilt written across his features. “Ye-es,” he says carefully. “But it’s light out and I was fine. I made it home alive, didn’t I?” he tries to joke.

The joke doesn’t land. Hux stares at him, serious as ever, arms crossed over his chest. “You know how dangerous it could be, Techie. I did my best to take care of things, and yes, it’s been quiet for a few months, but we still don’t know if it’s safe.”

Techie frowns. “I’m not a helpless baby, you know.”

“Of course not, but you’re still recovering and it hasn’t been that long. Do you really want to put yourself at risk?” Hux shoots back.

“I talked to someone today!” Techie blurts out, a poor attempt at rerouting the conversation.

Hux raises an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Y-yes!” Techie replies, a little defiant. “And I’m going to talk to him tomorrow, too. He’s going to swim with me.”

Hux narrows his eyes again. “Who is he? Do I know him?”

Techie shrinks in on himself a little, unsure what Hux’s reaction would be. “He-he’s the guy at the gym. That I told you about?”

To Techie’s great surprise, Hux smirks. “The one who wants to eat you?”

“Hux!” Techie squeaks, his face turning red. “You aren’t...mad?”

Hux laughs. “No. I did go check him out, just to be safe. I told you I made a suggestion to him, but I might’ve been counting on him to do the opposite. It’s about time you started talking to people who aren’t myself and Kylo again,” he adds with a wink.

Techie just gapes at him, unable to process this information. Hux had tried to...set him up? Sort of? Techie sniffs and says, “Well. He didn’t say anything about you, so maybe he wanted to talk to me anyway. You don’t always have control over everything that happens, you know.”

“If you say so,” Hux says, in a way that lets Techie know Hux absolutely thinks that he has control over everything. 

Techie recounts the story of his conversation with Matt to Hux while he puts his things away, then flops on the couch because he doesn’t want to have to make eye contact with his brother when he asks this next question. “Do you really think he...y’know. Is interested?”

Hux snorts. “Well, he nearly crashed through a glass wall just to get the chance to apologize and talk to you, so I would say it’s a pretty fair bet.”

Techie’s cheeks heat up and he covers his face with his hands, because he’s not really sure how to handle this situation. “So...what do I do?” he asks, voice muffled.

“Oh, I’d start by wearing a thong next time,” Hux says airily.

Techie sits bolt upright and stares at Hux in horror, at which Hux begins to laugh. “I’m kidding. You’re overthinking this,” he says. “Just do your swim lesson and see how things go. Speaking of which, do you actually know how to teach someone to swim?”

Instead of answering, Techie grabs his laptop and begins frantically typing to the sound of Hux’s laughter from the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to find me elsewhere, I'm @thpontiacbandit on Twitter and allfinehere on Tumblr. Thank you for reading and commenting; I'm so glad you guys like it so far!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while since the last update! There's going to be one more chapter after this since Techie's POV ended up taking this entire thing this time. This chapter is a little more focused on Techie's trauma, but I promise things will get better in the next one!
> 
> *CW for slur about halfway through

Techie very nearly lets his nerves get the best of him and almost cancels the lesson, but then he realizes he doesn’t have Matt’s phone number. He could just not show up, but he finds he really wants to see Matt again so the only option left is to go through with it. He gets to the pool early to stretch and warm up a bit, figuring he could use the time to calm down. It helps and he’s feeling almost serene when he surfaces and sees Matt waiting for him. Well, what he actually sees first is a pair of neon orange stripes on a black swimsuit, and then realizes Matt is the one wearing them. He’s standing at the edge of Techie’s lane, holding a pair of goggles in one hand and looking fairly uncomfortable with the whole situation. That makes Techie feel a little better because he’s feeling pretty awkward about it, too. They both showed up though, so that had to be a good sign - right?

Techie gives him a shy smile and then pulls himself out of the pool. Water streams off his body as he does, and he is extremely grateful that the temperature is kept warm in here because he doesn’t really need to add pebbled nipples to his list of bodily embarrassments right now. He made sure to pull his hair back tightly in a neat bun today to avoid the freshly drowned corpse look he imagined he sported last time.

“Hi,” he says quietly, offering his hand. Matt takes it in a firm but kind of sweaty grip and gives him a goofy grin. Techie swallows hard when he sees again how Matt’s hand absolutely engulfs his, then lets go after perhaps a touch too long. Techie can feel the blush spreading across his cheeks and it hasn’t even been a whole minute yet. 

“Uh, so, I hope this is okay?” Matt says in a questioning tone, motioning to his swim trunks. “I didn’t have a swimsuit, so I just told the people at the store what you had and they helped me find this.” 

He’s looking at Techie like he’s waiting for approval, and belatedly Techie says, “Oh! Um, yes, that’s just fine. That’s good.” He is late in answering because his eyes were naturally drawn to Matt’s swimsuit with the motion of his hand, but then they didn’t leave because now that Matt wasn’t in baggy shorts Techie could see how phenomenally muscular his thighs were. If his blush wasn’t noticeable before, it definitely is now.

Matt looks sort of nervous when Techie manages to drag his eyes back up to meet Matt’s, which Techie decides is understandable for someone who’s about to learn to swim. It makes him feel a little better about his own anxiety about trying to teach someone to swim. 

“Okay, so. L-let’s get in?” He winces at the stutter. That was something he developed while working for Ma-Ma, and it still happened when he got nervous or upset. He hates how childish and weak it makes him sound. It’s something he’s working on in therapy, but his therapist says it will just take time and practice. “You can just hop in, or use the s-stairs if you want,” he adds, motioning to their left. 

Matt nods a little stiffly, then goes to the stairs to step into the water. Techie sits at the edge of the pool and slips back in, feeling a little more at ease. 

“I thought we could s-start with floating. Cause it’s like, a sort of basic skill you should know,” Techie says, then watches as Matt’s face turns red and he realizes how that must have sounded so he quickly adds, “No no, I m-mean, it’s fine if you don’t know how! That’s j-just like, a first step!”

He looks down at the water, takes a deep breath and tries to collect himself. They hadn’t even done anything yet and he was somehow already messing it up. Glancing up at Matt, he sees that instead of looking angry or embarrassed, Matt’s just giving him a soft smile. Techie’s stomach does a little flip and he smiles back and says, “Sorry. I”m just a little nervous. I’ve n-never done this before.”

Matt reaches out and kind of awkwardly places a hand on Techie’s shoulder and says, “It’s okay. I, uh. Appreciate that you’re even trying.” Perhaps realizing he’s left his hand there a little too long, he quickly takes it back and fidgets with his goggles instead.

Techie’s skin feels like it glows where Matt touched him, and he realizes with some surprise that he wants more of that. A lot more. And he’s not sure how he feels about that, because ever since the incident the only person he is comfortable being in physical contact with is Hux, and maybe Kylo.

“Okay. So. When you’re f-floating, you like, try to imagine spreading your weight evenly over the w-water’s surface. Here - like this,” he says, then lays back with his arms and legs spread a little to demonstrate, then rights himself. “It helps to c-control your breathing. Like, breathe slowly and calmly,” he adds. When he looks back at Matt, his face is flushed again and this time Techie has no idea what he’s done wrong. Maybe that’s just what happens to Matt when he’s nervous. 

Since Matt hasn’t said anything or made a move to do anything, Techie continues. “So, I’m g-going to put my arms out like this and I want you to just like, sort of bend your knees and lay back. I won’t let you go under,” he adds quickly when he sees Matt’s eyes widen. “I’ll help you f-float. It’s okay.”

Matt bites his lip and nods - which is maybe the cutest thing Techie’s ever seen - and sets his goggles down at the edge of the pool. Turning his back to Techie’s outstretched arms, he does as Techie says. Techie has to adjust his footing when Matt’s weight rests on his arms, because Matt is _heavy_. Matt’s build wasn’t something Techie had considered until this moment, but as he supports Matt (who is looking increasingly panicked), he realizes that since Matt is so well-muscled, he might actually be one of the people who has a difficult time floating. He vaguely recalls that Kylo, who is of a similar build, can’t do it very well either.

Before Matt freaks out on him, Techie says, “G-good, okay, you can stand back up now.” He pushes a little against Matt to assist, and can’t help but slide his fingers over the well-defined musculature of his back. He blushes and doesn’t know whether to attribute it to sort of feeling Matt up in the pool, or to embarrassment about having kind of failed at teaching the first part of his lesson.

Smiling sheepishly, he rubs the back of his neck and says, “So, um. You actually m-might find floating kind of difficult because, um. When people are really m-muscular, they’re more dense, so they don’t float as well.” Well, now the blush is definitely because he’s positive Matt knows Techie thinks he’s attractive because he’s just gone and told him he’s muscular to his face. 

To his surprise, Matt chuckles in relief. “Thank god,” he says. “I thought I was already fu - uh, messing this up. That’s good. I mean, not good that I can’t float. But like, good that it’s, uh, normal?”

Matt’s laugh makes Techie feel warm and kind of fuzzy inside. It’s weird, but good. So, feeling a little bolder, he smiles back and says, “You might have to work a little harder than the average person, but like, I don’t think that’s going to be a problem for you.”

Matt looks surprised for a moment, then laughs. “Yeah, uh. I just. Like to keep in shape, I guess. So what’s next?”

Techie feels tension bleed out as they both seem to relax into the lesson. He moves into doggy paddle instruction, which Matt seems embarrassed about but Techie finds adorable. He grins as Matt tries to take off his goggles, which get stuck in his curly hair.

“Here, let me help,” Techie says, untangling the rubbery straps from the curls. 

_“Fags,”_ someone coughs as they walk by. It triggers an automatic immediate reflex in Techie, and he snatches his hands back and moves away from Matt as his stomach feels like it drops out of his body. _It’s not safe, it’s not safe for anyone to find out he’s gay, that sort of deviation isn’t tolerated, Ma-Ma can’t find out or he’s going to get hurt._ Hauling himself out of the pool, he runs to the locker room in a blind panic and then runs all the way home.

Once Techie arrives home, he doesn’t remember how he got there. He’s still wearing his swimsuit, and the rest of his things are shoved in his drawstring bag. He’s wet and shivering, so he goes to the couch and buries himself in the blankets he’d left there earlier. Pulling them over his head, he stares blankly at the inside of his cocoon and waits to come back to himself. 

He’s not sure how much time has passed when he hears a noise at the door. His muscles tense in preparation to run, but he realizes the sound is a key, which means it’s probably Hux. He nearly sobs in relief. Hux could fix this. 

“Hey HUX! Are you home yet? Ready to get your ass kick - Techie? Is that you?” 

It isn’t Hux, it’s Kylo. Techie doesn’t answer from within his cocoon of blankets, but he feels the cushion depress as Kylo sits down. 

“Shit Techie, what happened? Did someone hurt you?” he hears Kylo ask, his tone taking on a darker edge at the second question.

“N-no, not really,” Techie mumbles.

“Who are they? I’ll find them. Did they touch you?” Kylo asks, his voice almost a growl.

“No, n-nothing like that,” Techie says, but can’t bring himself to say more. Tears leak out of his eyes and slide across his skin. It tickles unpleasantly, so he swipes his hand over his face as he thinks about what actually happened. He hadn’t been in danger at all. The word had just triggered a flashback, and now he feels stupid. And poor Matt! What must he think? Techie just ran off without a word. He didn’t even have Matt’s phone number to apologize.

“Tell me what happened,” Kylo says gently. “You were at the gym, right? I saw your bag on the floor.”

“Y-yeah. I m-met this guy, and I was t-teaching him how to s-swim,” Techie began, his voice thick with unshed tears.

There’s silence for a moment, and then he hears Kylo say, “His name isn’t Matt, is it?”

This is curious enough for Techie to sit up and pull the blankets off his head so he can look at Kylo. “How d-did you know that?” he asks, teary eyes wide.

Kylo laughs. “Holy shit, that’s crazy. Tall, blonde, wears dumb glasses, right?”

Techie nods, then adds, “I mean. I don’t think they’re dumb. Do you know him?”

Kylo grins. “Yeah, he’s my cousin.” Then, the grin fades and he goes, “Wait, did he do something to upset you?”

“No!” Techie exclaims quickly. “He wouldn’t! I m-mean. I don’t think he would. I’ve only r-really talked to him a couple of times, b-but. He seems nice.”

Kylo frowns. “Okay, so what happened?”

Techie wraps the blankets tighter around him and looks at the floor. “It was s-stupid. I had a flashback.”

Kylo reaches a hand out, then seems to remember himself. “Do you - is it okay if I -” 

Techie nods miserably. Hux must have taught him that - both to ask before touching, and that touching helped ground Techie in reality so that he doesn’t get caught up in his head when he recounts an incident. Kylo puts an arm around Techie’s shoulders in a comforting brotherly sort of way, like Hux might do, and Techie leans into his side. 

“I was h-helping untangle Matt’s g-goggles from his hair. Someone w-walking by called us, um. C-called us fags.” He chokes a little on the last word, and tears spill over to track down his cheeks. “And I panicked. All I c-could think about was how if Ma-Ma f-found out I was gay, she would hurt me. S-so I just got out and ran. I think I r-ran home, but I don’t remember getting here.”

“You’re safe now, it’s okay,” Kylo says. The couch depresses on the other side of Techie and he looks up, startled. He hadn’t realized Hux had come home, too immersed in recounting the incident to Kylo. Hux is looking at him with sadness and concern in his eyes, and Techie buries his face in Hux’s chest and sobs. He cries until it feels like all the emotion has drained out of him, leaving him exhausted. 

Sitting up slowly, he looks at Kylo and asks, “Do you think Matt’s going to hate me now?”

Kylo grins and says, “Doubt it. Actually, he probably thinks he’s the one who fucked things up. I’m pretty sure he _likes_ you,” he adds in a teasing tone.

Techie blushes and gives him a small smile. “Do you have his phone n-number? I need to say I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, I’ll go put it in your phone,” Kylo says as he gets up from the couch. 

“Thanks,” Techie says, then turns back to Hux. 

“You know this isn’t a setback, right?” Hux says. “We were told to expect this, and all things considered it went well.” 

Techie just gives him a look.

“You came straight to a safe place, even if you don’t remember doing it. You’ve taught yourself well enough that you came home on instinct alone, and that’s an accomplishment,” Hux says firmly.

“But-” Techie interjects.

“No, Techie. I know it’s scary and frustrating, but you did as well as can be expected. Maybe better, even. We can talk to Dr. Townsend about working on a strategy to handle this now that we know what to expect. This is good, and I won’t hear any arguments about it.”

Techie nods, and just then Kylo returns with his phone. Accepting it with slightly shaky hands, Techie goes to his contacts. The list is in alphabetical order, and it’s short. Dr. Townsend, Kylo, Hux, and Matt. Except Matt has the peach emoji next to his name and when Techie sees it he turns bright red. 

Hux looks over to see what’s got Techie so flustered, then sighs. “Kylo, do you really need to be so vulgar?”

Kylo grins and heads toward the kitchen. “You’re one to talk. I’m just the eggplant emoji in your phone.”

This time it’s Hux’s turn to blush. “You’re the one who did that, not me,” he retorts as he follows Kylo into the kitchen. “Chop the peppers, will you? We should get dinner started.”

Kylo snorts. “Yeah, I did it but _you_ left it like that.”

“Shut up,” is all Hux says before pressing a quick kiss to his lips.

Techie turns back to his phone with a small smile and taps Matt’s name, then taps ‘new message.’ He stares at the blinking cursor for a moment before typing out a message.

_Hi Matt, this is Techie. I got your number from your cousin Kylo, who is my brother’s boyfriend. That’s kind of crazy. Anyway, I wanted to say I’m sorry about what happened at the gym. It wasn’t your fault, in case that’s what you were thinking. I just have trouble with some things sometimes, but it’s kind of hard to explain in a text. Do you maybe want to meet me for coffee tomorrow so I can tell you about it?_

He hits send, then after a moment of deliberation he types one more message and hits send again.

_I’d like it if I could see you again._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it takes me so long to update! Thank you so much to everyone who's been reading and commenting. I love to see what you think, and it's so encouraging when I'm writing the next chapter! I'm a bit sad this is done, so I'm thinking I might write a few oneshots, if not a sequel. I hope you enjoy the final chapter!

Matt isn’t sure he’s going to make it through this lesson alive. It’s not the water he’s afraid of - he doesn’t think he’s actually going to drown or anything - but the first thing Techie does when he shows up is smile at him and then pull himself effortlessly out of the pool like he’s in a commercial for something graceful and sexy. Water streams over his freckled skin in enticing rivulets and Matt notices his hair is pulled back this time. He kind of wishes it wasn’t because he’d really like to see what that hair looks like floating in the water, but the bun Techie has it in is cute too. He wonders if Techie notices him staring, but he realizes with a flutter of excitement that Techie just might be staring, too.

Of course, he gets immediately embarrassed when he tries to float. It seems like it shouldn’t be that hard, but he can tell that Techie is supporting a lot of his weight and is relieved when Techie says he can stand back up. He notes with excitement that Techie’s fingers trail over his back, and wonders if it was on purpose or by accident. He hopes it’s on purpose. Even though floating and pretty much been a complete failure, he does now have the image of Techie floating in the water like a beautiful mermaid burned into his brain, so he guesses it isn’t so bad. And he likes the compliments about his physique, glowing a little at the praise. 

Thankfully he does better at the doggy paddle, but spends most of the time trying really hard not to think about other things he and Techie could do involving the word ‘doggy.’ Techie looks so cute paddling around in the water that Matt can only hope he doesn’t look like a complete idiot. At least he’s not sinking - that had to count for something, right?

When the doggy paddle session is over, Matt pulls off his goggles but winces when they tug sharply on his hair and he sighs. Things are always getting caught in his stupid hair. He could cut it, but he feels like he looks even weirder with short hair so he keeps it kind of long. He lets his arms fall to his sides when Techie moves in close to help and doesn’t move for fear of startling him away. He’s so close Matt can feel the heat from his body and he so badly wants to reach out and touch. 

He’s so wrapped up in the nearness of Techie that he almost misses what happens next. Techie bolts out of the water and into the locker room before Matt’s brain finishes processing what the passerby said. His fists clench and he’s filled with a consuming rage, and the self-aware part of him knows this is going to end badly but it’s too late to stop himself. He wants to chase after Techie and make sure he’s okay, but he can’t let this guy get away with what he’s done. 

He hauls himself out of the pool and yells, “HEY!” at the guy’s back. 

He stops and turns around, sees that it’s Matt, and sneers at him. “Keep your disgusting perversion at home, _fag_. This is a family place.”

Matt takes a step toward him, knowing full well how intimidating he looks. He gets some satisfaction from the way the man’s expression flickers from disdain to fear. “I’ll give you one chance to take that back and apologize,” Matt growls, stepping closer.

The man seems to regain his composure and laughs in self-righteous assuredness. “For what? Calling you out for your deviant behavior? There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Despite his rage, Matt realizes this man isn’t just looking for a rise out of him - he actually believes the shit he’s saying. 

That’s even worse.

Before he really realizes what he’s doing, Matt pulls his fist back and punches the man square in the face. The man shouts and steps back with the force of the impact, clutching his profusely bleeding nose. 

“What the _fuck _! I’m calling the cops!” he yells as the blood drips down his arms and onto the floor. An employee who had presumably witnessed the altercation ran in with a towel, which the furious man pressed to his nose to staunch the bleeding.__

__Matt wants more than anything to beat the shit out of this guy, but he holds back because he really doesn’t want to end up in jail. In a rare moment of inspiration (because usually in a fight his brain goes decidedly offline), he growls, “Oh yeah? Go ahead. I’m sure they’d love to hear about your hate speech. This is a _family place_ , after all.”_ _

__It’s somewhat satisfying to watch the man sputter when he realizes he’s been called out. It was a risky gamble for Matt to take because he’s pretty sure the police would have sided with the idiot instead of him, but thankfully he backed down and went to take care of his (probably broken) nose._ _

__Matt was allowed to change and collect his things, but was definitely kicked out of the gym for getting in a physical fight. He couldn’t be too upset about it thought, because he defended himself and Techie and that guy deserved it. He could always find another gym, and maybe Techie would want to come to that one too._ _

__Upon returning home, Matt just mopes around his apartment half worried and half sad. He had no idea why Techie reacted so strongly or where he’d gone once he ran off. Hopefully he was safe at home. He considers calling Kylo, but isn’t up for the usual banter and teasing so he decides to make dinner instead. When he fails miserably at that because he’s a terrible cook, he orders takeout and flops on the couch to watch TV until it arrives._ _

__He frowns when he hears the text notification from his phone and sees that he has a message from an unknown number. Was the delivery guy texting instead of calling now? Sitting up, he unlocks the phone and then his heart jumps into his throat when he sees, “Hi, Matt. This is Techie.” He eagerly reads the message and jumps off the couch in excitement when he reads that Techie wants to meet him for coffee. That sounds like a _date_. Then the second message comes through and Matt thinks this might be the best day of his life. He doesn’t understand how he got so unbelievably lucky to meet such a sweet guy who was willing to persevere with this even through the missteps, but he isn’t about to question it. _ _

__Matt sits back down to type so that he doesn’t excitedly walk into anything while writing and trip himself._ _

___I’d like to see you, too! I’m sorry about the gym too. That guy was an asshole. I, uh. Kind of punched him the face and got kicked out of the gym. But it was worth it._ _ _

__Gripping his phone so hard his knuckles turn white, Matt exhales in relief when he sees the bubble with an ellipsis meaning Techie is replying._ _

____**Techie:** You didn’t have to do that on my account.  
 **Matt:** I didn’t. Well, not totally. I’m sick of idiots like him thinking they can get away with being assholes. Are you okay?  
 **Techie:** Yeah, I am now. Sorry, I should have warned you, but I didn’t think it would come up.  
 **Techie:** What I did, I mean.  
 **Matt:** You don’t have to keep saying sorry. We all have stuff we deal with, right? So, it’s fine.  
 **Techie:** Yeah, okay. Thank you.   
**Matt:** So, um. Coffee? Tomorrow maybe?  
 **Techie:** Sure. Do you know Kanata’s Cafe?  
 **Matt:** Yeah, 4 sound good?  
 **Techie:** Yes, and if something comes up I’ll text you to let you know. 

__Matt suddenly grows nervous, unsure if this is a date like he thought, or just friends meeting for coffee. Take a deep breath, he types a message and sends it before he can think better of it._ _

__**Matt:** So is this like. A date?_ _

__The pause while Techie types seems to last a thousand years and Matt thinks he might die. He nearly drops his phone when it vibrates with the new message._ _

__**Techie:** Do you want it to be? I mean. It doesn’t have to be._ _

__Matt _very_ much wants it to be, and it sounds like Techie does too so he goes for it._ _

__**Matt:** Yeah. I want it to be a date. I’d like that.  
 **Techie:** Me too 😊_ _

__It seems like that’s the natural end of the conversation, but Matt doesn’t want to stop talking to Techie so he quickly sends another message._ _

____**Matt:** Hey it’s kind of crazy that my cousin is dating your brother. Small world, huh?  
 **Techie:** Yeah! I didn’t even know Kylo had a cousin.   
**Techie:** Well, I mean I guess most people have cousins. He just never really talks about his family is all.  
 **Matt:** This is gonna sound creepy, but can you send me a picture of your brother? Or like, a picture of Kylo and him? Kylo won’t tell me anything about him and I’ve been asking for like, forever.  
 **Techie:** Haha yeah! I have lots. I’ll send you an embarrassing one, serves him right for keeping a secret.  
 **Techie:** [img_2087] Kylo and Hux asleep on the couch; Hux looks fairly put together but Kylo is sprawled all over him with one arm hanging off the couch]  
 **Matt:** Wow this is like perfect blackmail.   
**Techie:** I know! I have a whole folder of these pictures, just in case 😁  
 **Matt:** You and your brother look a lot alike. Are you twins?  
 **Techie:** Nope. Irish twins, though. He’s a little older.  
 **Matt:** You live together?  
 **Techie:** Yeah. For now. I can tell you more about it tomorrow. 

__That sounded like a possible end to their conversation, and Matt doesn’t want to be too pushy so he sends a goodnight text and grins when he receives one back with a little star emoji. He thinks it’s adorable that Techie likes to use emojis. Matt’s never really understood it or gotten the hang of it, but if Techie likes them maybe he could try. With a heart feeling light and full of hope, Matt went to get ready for bed._ _

____

* * *

Techie sleeps in the next day, exhausted from yesterday’s ordeal. He wakes slowly, feeling like he’s waiting for a fog to clear as he stretches and reaches out to fumble around before finding his phone. The screen tells him it’s 1:18 pm, but also that he has a text. He grins and swipes with his thumb to open it.

 **Matt🍑:** Hey. Just wanted to check and see if we’re still on for today.

Seeing the time stamp was from four hours ago, Techie hurriedly types a reply.

**Techie:** Yes! I mean, if you still want to.

The reply was immediate.

**Matt🍑:** Yeah I do.   
**Matt🍑:** I’ve been thinking about it all day, actually.

Knowing that Matt has been thinking about their date - about _him_ \- fills Techie with a pleasant warmth, and he sits up in bed as he types his reply. 

**Techie:** Me too! Well. I mean, I just woke up. But I was thinking about it last night.  
 **Matt🍑:** So you could still say you’ve been thinking about it all day. It’s just that your day has been like two minutes long. Haha.  
 **Techie:** Haha yeah. I better go shower, but I’ll see you at 4! ☕  
 **Matt🍑:** Looking forward to it.

Techie practically jumps out of bed, but detours to the kitchen to take his meds before getting to the shower. Hux is there making a sandwich, and he smirks when Techie bounces in. 

“Have a good night, did you?” he asks, the insinuation in his voice unmistakable.

Techie makes a face as he pours some juice. “Nothing happened. We just talked. And, um. Made plans to meet for coffee today at 4.”

“Ah, I see. So I should’ve waited to ask until tomorrow, is that it?” he asks, an innocent expression on his face as he cuts the sandwich in half.

“Hu-ux,” Techie complains. “Maybe...it might not even be like that,” he adds, chewing his lip. “I mean, he did say he wanted it to be a date, but. After I tell him about my - about what happened, he might not. Um. It might not be anything, anymore.”

Dropping the teasing act, Hux gave him a gentle wise-elder-brother smile. “I think it’s going to be fine, Techie. He punched a man in the face for you, after all.”

“It wasn’t for me, specifically. It - hey, how did you know that?” Techie demands, setting his glass down on the counter.

“Kylo told me, so Matt must have told him.”

“Oh.” Something that had been bothering Techie bubbles up to the surface, and he blurts it out before he loses the nerve to ask. “Do you think he’s dangerous? That he might - um. Hurt me?” His voice grows quiet at the end.

Hux’s expression is hard to decipher. “I’ve talked to Kylo about him, and to be honest, I don’t know. How did he treat you at the swimming lesson?”

Techie goes back to chewing his lip while he thinks back on it. “He was gentle. Like, really gentle. Like he thought he might hurt me if he got too close or touched me the wrong way. Or maybe he was being respectful? Or afraid. I don’t know,” he finishes, looking a little bit miserable. 

The corner of Hux’s mouth quirks up in a small smirk. “And did he look at you like he wanted to eat you again?”

Techie felt his cheeks heat and he buries his face in his hands to hide it. “Maybe…” he said eventually, his voice muffled by his hands. “He sort of. Blushed, a lot?”

“Then I suppose his...anger issues are something to keep an eye on, but not something you should be particularly worried about at the moment,” Hux answers. “And if he does anything to hurt you, I’ll destroy him.” The sentence is said casually, but Techie can hear the steel promise behind the words.

“Yeah, okay. You’re probably right.”

“I always am. Now go shower and use the nice conditioner, not that garbage you bought god knows where.”

Techie rolls his eyes but smiles, then heads to the shower.

* * *

When it comes time to leave, Techie nearly loses his nerve. Thankfully Hux offers to walk him there, despite it only being a few blocks away, under the pretense of needing to go to a shop nearby. Techie knows that’s bullshit, but he appreciates the gesture all the same. He likes that Hux helps him but doesn’t make a big deal out of it, because he knows he needs the help but is tired of feeling like he’s fragile, like he’s liable to break at any moment. But he’s going on a date today, and even if it doesn’t end well it’s still a major step forward. Those were Hux’s words, and Techie repeats them to himself while they walk until he begins to believe them.

When they arrive at Kanata’s, Techie takes a deep breath at lets it out slowly before entering the cafe alone. A little bell chimes sweetly when he opens the door, and he knows it’s just a bell and it rings hundreds of times a day, but it feels like a good omen. He’s extremely relieved to see that Matt is already sitting in an armchair in a cozy-looking corner - now he doesn’t have to wait anxiously worrying about whether he’s made the right decision and if Matt is going to show up. Techie gives him a small wave and a shy smile while he gets in line to order a drink, and Matt waves back with that goofy grin stretched across his face. Techie’s stomach does a little flip at the sight. He’s never had a crush on anyone before, but he suspects that’s what is happening. It’s a little weird, but he kind of likes it. 

Once his drink is ready, he heads over to the corner Matt claimed and sits in the seat beside him, which is angled towards Matt’s seat but not facing him head on. It’s comforting that he can be close to Matt but still have his own defined space. It’s not that he’s not excited for the date and what might happen, but like Hux said - this is a big step and little things like this help. 

“What did you get?” Matt asks.

It takes Techie a moment to realize what he’s talking about because Matt looks _good_. He’s just wearing jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, but the shirt fits him well and makes his eyes look an even deeper brown. Techie hopes the outfit Hux helped him pick out looks decent enough. He fiddles with the sleeves of his own shirt, suddenly a little self-conscious. “I, um. J-just tea. Chamomile,” he finally replies, not liking the way he sounds afraid.

Matt’s eyes crinkle when he smiles. “Hey, me too. Caffeine, uh. Makes me feel all on-edge.”

Techie smiles back, feeling a little more at ease. “Yeah, m-me too. It makes me kind of like, jittery.”

There’s a moment of silence, then in a rush Matt says, “You look really nice. Your hair - it’s really shiny.” Then he makes a face and adds, “Sorry, that sounded stupid.”

Techie feels like he’s glowing from the inside out. “It’s not stupid. It’s n-nice. Thank you.” Gathering up his courage, he says, “You like really nice too. Your shirt l-looks like, really good on you.”

Matt blushes and takes a sip of his drink to hide it. When he’s presumably calmed down a bit, he look at Techie with a sincere, earnest expression and quietly asks, “Are you okay?”

Techie’s stomach does another little flip because Matt’s not just asking to be polite; he actually means it. Logically, Techie knows it’s silly to feel such a connection with someone he barely knows, but on the other hand maybe destiny is real and this is meant to be. Unlike his brother, Techie had always been a bit of a romantic at heart.

“I’m...doing better, today,” he begins slowly. “B-before I get into this, are you sure y-you really, um, really want to know? I’m kind of a m-mess,” he adds with a weak smile.

Matt just continues to look at him seriously and nods. “Yes. I’m sure.”

Techie takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “Okay. W-well. Yesterday at the pool I-I had a flashback. I h-haven’t had a lot of them, b-but when I do I panic. It was because that g-guy called us - um, you know - and before, where I w-was working, it had to be a secret. That,” he swallows hard, still finding it difficult to say out loud, “th-that I’m gay.”  
Matt nods understandingly, and puts his hand over Techie’s trembling one. Instead of flinching away, which would be his usual response, Techie feels like he can draw strength from Matt this way so he turns his hand palm-up and closes his fingers around Matt’s. Matt doesn’t say anything, letting Techie continue at his own pace.

“M-my work situation was really bad. But I didn’t r-realize it until it was too late,” he continues. Techie recounts the whole incident, watching as Matt’s expression flickers between anger at Ma-Ma, appreciation for Kylo and Hux, and concern for Techie, but never pity - and Techie is so grateful for it. He can’t stand being pitied because it makes him feel more pathetic than he already does, but here is Matt, patient and understanding in a way no one else in his life is. Techie feels like he doesn’t deserve this, and to his embarrassment he feels his eyes start to water.

Matt notices and is quick to say, “If it’s, um. Too upsetting. You don’t have to talk about it anymore.”

Techie gives a watery laugh and swipes his overly long sleeve across his eyes to dry them. “It’s not that,” he says. “It’s just - thank you for listening and not, you know, making a big deal out of it.”

Matt smiles softly and replies, “Thank you for sharing. It, um. I’m sure it wasn’t easy.” He gives Techie’s hand a little squeeze.

Techie smiles and squeezes back. “I’ve, uh, never really been on a date before, but I’m guessing this isn’t how first dates usually go.”

Matt laughs and Techie desperately wants to hear that sound again. “Yeah, I haven’t, um. Been on too many either. And you’re probably right, but I like this,” he says firmly. “Being with you.”

Techie beams and replies, “Me too. I like being with you, I mean.”

“You two boys need a refill?” The voice startles Techie a little and he jumps in spite of himself, and he instinctively snatches his hand away from Matt’s, crushed to see the disappointed look on Matt’s face. He turns instead to look at the owner of the voice - a tiny, wrinkled woman wearing large glasses with thick lenses that made her eyes look larger than they are. He’s seen Maz, the owner of the cafe, around, but has never talked to her. He’s heard she’s a little odd, sort of like a fortune teller if a fortune teller went around baring the secret truths of everyone’s lives.

“I, um. I-I’m okay,” Techie stammers.

Maz peers at him and says, “Lots of pain in those eyes. But this,” she says, motioning between Matt and himself. “This will be good, for both of you I think. Plus,” she grins, adding in a stage whisper, “look at the muscles on this boy!” And then she winks at Techie. He’s so taken aback by the whole thing that he blushes, but laughs.

Then Maz rounds on Matt, pointing a bony finger at him. “And you! You take care of this boy, but don’t go losing your head about stupid things! You’re no good to him if you’re locked up!” 

Matt smiles sheepishly and rubs the back of his neck in embarrassment. “Yes, ma’am,” is all he says.

She smiles, looking satisfied. “Good. Now I’ll go get you my special tea blend, on the house.” She winks again and walks away faster than Techie would have guessed a woman of her apparent age could. He wonders what exactly is in her “special” tea blend, and when he looks at Matt they both erupt in giggles like pre-teen boys having gotten caught out doing something naughty.

Then Techie’s smile faded as he remembered how he’d treated Matt when Maz approached them. Averting his eyes, he quietly says, “I’m s-sorry. About, um, taking my hand back. I’m so used t-to hiding that I’m - that p-part of myself. It’ll probably take m-me a long time to g-get over it,” he finishes dejectedly.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Matt says, gently lifting Techie’s chin so their gazes would meet. “I get it. I haven’t been so, um. Comfortable with it, either. We’ll work on it together okay? I mean, if you want to,” he adds hurriedly.

Techie gives him a grateful smile. “Yeah, I do.”

Just then Maz appears again with the tea, and Techie is pretty sure she timed that on purpose. This time she doesn’t say anything, just leaves the tea with a wink and bustles off to attend to other business. Techie takes a tentative sip and is surprised by how pleasant it is. It’s mostly fruity, with light floral notes but something darker and spicy underneath. “It’s good,” he mentions.

Matt takes a sip and then half-whispers, “Do you think...do you think she put weed in this tea? Is that what makes it “special”?”

Techie erupts into giggles, and Matt gives a low chuckle. “Well, whatever it is, I like it,” Techie says.

Matt laughs again, and they spend the rest of the afternoon chatting while countless patrons come and go. Techie learns that Matt is a welder, and Matt learns that Techie still likes coding - because “it just makes sense,” which Matt scoffs in bewilderment at - but that he would like to switch to coding games for kids, or maybe even write programs to teach kids how to code. That’s how he finds out that despite Matt’s anger issues with adults, Matt gets along really well with kids and adores his nieces.

Time passes too quickly, and before he knows it Hux is back to walk him home. Techie’s disappointed that his time with Matt is up, but he realizes how draining the experience was - it’s a lot more than anything else he’s attempted in the past almost-three months. Hux keeps his distance so Techie can say his goodbyes.

“I had like, a really nice time,” he says earnestly.

“Me too,” Matt replies quickly. “Do you, um. Maybe want to do this again sometime? Or like, not _this_ exactly, but other things too. Or this, if you like this the best.” Realizing he’s blabbering, Matt clamps his mouth shut.

With a little laugh, Techie says, “Yeah, I do. I’ll text you, okay? Or you can text me.”

Matt smiles and says, “Yeah, sounds good.”

Techie doesn’t know if it’s the special tea or some newfound well of courage, but he quickly presses a kiss to Matt’s cheek and says, “See you soon!” before rushing over to Hux.

When he looks back, Matt’s cheeks are pink and his fingertips are touching the spot where Techie kissed him, looking a little lost in disbelief. Techie smiles and waves, then heads out the door with Hux, the silvery chime of the bell ushering them home.


End file.
